I’m going on vacation. I’m going to show up at all of your houses with my dog. We’re going to eat up all of your potato chips and use up all of your hot water. I promise that I won’t overstay my welcome, not that I was welcomed in the first place. Expect me this evening.

Really, it’s 2014. Why don’t we have instant travel yet? Why does it take hours and hours just to get to the other side of my country? Where is my flying car? If we had instant travel, I would eat up your potato chips with glee. I would like to be here now:

It would be really nice to sit outside on a spring evening drinking tea with some of you. I wonder what you’re like. Even those of you who post pictures of yourselves and vlogs, I wonder what you’re like. Videos don’t…