I let them go

I very rarely shed a tear, but I hear that a good cry every now and then is healthy for the soul. I’m not sure I know what a “good” cry is as opposed to a bad one. Is there a difference? If so, how can I tell that the cry I’m feeling will be a good one or a bad one? It must be based on the emotion that brought on the feeling to cry. Sadness is most often associated with crying, I think. But I know there’re joyful occasions of crying too.

When the feeling to cry presents itself it usually arrives with a song I’m listening to. Sometimes the feeling to cry is instagated by a melody I strike up on my guitar, no words, just a melody. I have several of them saved on my iPhone, waiting for words. Melodies always show up for me first, and most often with the cry feeling attached. I wish words would come as easy, but alas, they don’t.

I listen to a lot of folk and Americana music and sometimes the words I hear with the melodies cause a feeling to cry. But I don’t cry, or maybe I can’t for some reason. Perhaps the cry area of my brain doesn’t function normally. Whatever the reason, tears rarely form, but I know they are there, hiding, I can feel them burning the back of my eyes. And there’s that odd feeling in my throat, like tears are trying to come out from there too.

Death is surely one of the top reasons folks cry. But even at that, my tears stay hidden. I remember my maternal grandmother’s funeral, lots of crying, not me. When my dear mother and father passed, my eyes weren’t wet with tears like those of my siblings. Sad stories of friends and family members passing don’t stir me to tears. I feel sad yes, but I don’t cry. I wish I had a normal cry function. I worry though, that if I started crying, I wouldn’t stop. Perhaps oceans of tears are stored somewhere in me, and they’re waiting, waiting for the perfect moment in time when flood gates are no longer needed. Only then will I let them go.

2 thoughts on “I let them go

  1. I, like you, find it hard to cry. I don’t cry at funerals very often either. I think I shed a tear or two at mom’s funeral; and maybe a couple more at Mee Maw and Pee Paw’s. I cried more at my wedding than I ever did at a funeral. I do however, find myself getting emotional during some movies, but I hold them back and don’t let them come. Over the past few months, I have “ugly” cried over unfortunate situations that I’ve brought upon myself. Urban Dictionary describes the “ugly cry”, when you lose COMPLETE CONTROL of all of the muscles in your face, start heaving and making awkward sounds (even though you are trying really hard to be silent), and start leaking fluids from every opening on your face from your hairline to your chin (yes, this includes the mouth). I don’t like to cry, but I do think it’s necessary to feel whatever emotion it is or was that made you cry.

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