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That’s fine

Is it really? I was having a discussion with my wife the other day and was trying to explain my confusion about the wedding guest list she had to prepare for my son’s upcoming wedding. I knew that she wasn’t very happy with my explanation when she replied with a “that’s fine.”

I took it as sarcasm. You can compare it to what’s often said down south when someone says “bless his/her heart” when the person it’s directed at has made an attempt at doing or saying something that doesn’t meet your standards. Or that you think is below your standards.

It’s a low-level insult, but an insult nonetheless. The one saying it might not realize he or she has uttered something offensive if he or she doesn’t pick up on certain signs from the other person. I’m not sure the signs I gave were the right ones.

The guest list my son wanted from her were the names of my wife’s close friends who were planning on attending, not the entire guest list of everyone. When my wife told me she had to get the guest list ready I thought she meant names of everyone, not just the names of her friends. When I tried explaining why I was confused she said: “that’s fine.” I don’t think my explanation lived up to her standards, bless my heart.

I should learn how to have discussions without explaining myself.

By TC Conner

Freelance writer/photographer, musician, husband and father.

6 replies on “That’s fine”

Men and women can’t comprehend what the other is saying. Doesn’t mean we’re right and women are wrong. We’re two totally different creatures, like cats and dogs. When the cat meows, Deebo turns his head in confusion, because he has no clue what the cat said. I do believe that we should take a moment and ask where the disconnect is. Sometimes what’s being said isn’t an insult, or a condescending statement. We should take a breath, and then ask what said person meant, or at the very least, explain what we mean and what we thought they meant.

I did exactly what you said: “explain what we mean and what we thought they meant,” unfortunately the disconnect occurs before arriving at that point. “Asking where the disconnect is” often leads to a blame game, escalating things even more. That’s why I think it’s best if I stopped trying to explain myself.

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