See what condition my condition is in

I recently had to start taking blood pressure medication but for years I hadn’t taken anything and have felt just fine. I knew about the adage “the silent killer” but just ignored it and figured that when it was my time to check out I’d rather not know about it beforehand.

But if I could pick the time and place it’d be at one of my favorite breweries, performing with one of the bands I’m in, holding my guitar, singing the original song I wrote: “I Know Where I’m Going.” There’s no way of knowing if it’ll happen like that, but hey, there’s no harm in asking.

My BP appears to be under control now, and along with the medication I’m taking (hydrochlorothiazide) I think it’s also helped that I’ve begun to take charge of my temper. Do I have complete control yet? No, but it’s kind of easier done than said when you have a general idea of what ticks you off because you can kind of catch it before you lose it.

I think there’s too much anger in the world today and if everyone would try to rein in their tempers like I’ve been doing we’d probably get along with each other a little better. I should’ve started harnessing mine a long time ago!

Peace.

I let them go

I very rarely shed a tear, but I hear that a good cry every now and then is healthy for the soul. I’m not sure I know what a “good” cry is as opposed to a bad one. Is there a difference? If so, how can I tell that the cry I’m feeling will be a good one or a bad one? It must be based on the emotion that brought on the feeling to cry. Sadness is most often associated with crying, I think. But I know there’re joyful occasions of crying too.

When the feeling to cry presents itself it usually arrives with a song I’m listening to. Sometimes the feeling to cry is instagated by a melody I strike up on my guitar, no words, just a melody. I have several of them saved on my iPhone, waiting for words. Melodies always show up for me first, and most often with the cry feeling attached. I wish words would come as easy, but alas, they don’t.

I listen to a lot of folk and Americana music and sometimes the words I hear with the melodies cause a feeling to cry. But I don’t cry, or maybe I can’t for some reason. Perhaps the cry area of my brain doesn’t function normally. Whatever the reason, tears rarely form, but I know they are there, hiding, I can feel them burning the back of my eyes. And there’s that odd feeling in my throat, like tears are trying to come out from there too.

Death is surely one of the top reasons folks cry. But even at that, my tears stay hidden. I remember my maternal grandmother’s funeral, lots of crying, not me. When my dear mother and father passed, my eyes weren’t wet with tears like those of my siblings. Sad stories of friends and family members passing don’t stir me to tears. I feel sad yes, but I don’t cry. I wish I had a normal cry function. I worry though, that if I started crying, I wouldn’t stop. Perhaps oceans of tears are stored somewhere in me, and they’re waiting, waiting for the perfect moment in time when flood gates are no longer needed. Only then will I let them go.