Out of focus photography

About a year ago I decided to start a photography business but soon realized there was a lot more to it than I had envisioned. The easiest part was applying for and getting a sales tax number, which made TC Conner Photography an official business. In my mind that was basically all I had to do, besides order a few prints to have for sale, and make sure plenty of my best photos were available for viewing on my website.

I used to be the gardening columnist for a local newspaper and was quite capable of taking pretty good photos of flowers. I usually submitted a photo or three along with the weekly articles and I thought the experience I gained as a flower photographer could help me get my business off to a good start.

I was wrong. Or maybe I just didn’t give it my all. In any case, I came to the conclusion that it required much more time and effort than I was willing to give. Had I made the choice of a career in photography 35 years ago those two issues wouldn’t have mattered.

It’s funny how age seems to have crept up on me. Without any warning! One day I’m digging dirt for the raised bed gardens and the next day I’m contemplating where the dirt will be dug for my grave. Age doesn’t know or care what we think, it has one purpose – make us old.

Peace.

gloves

(Drawing by Don Conner)

Change never changes

It’s said that the only thing that stays the same is change, and there’s a pretty big change coming soon around here!

Change can trigger excitement, joy, sorrow, and even anger. It can lead us to unknown places, making us apprehensive and scared. Change can thrill and inspire us, it can help or hurt us. When I think about the change that’ll happen here, probably before the end of summer, I feel sick, despondent, hurt, anger, joy, excitement, and many other things.

No one has an answer for what the future might hold, we can only know what has happened in the past. It’s also impossible to know what change might bring, only that it will do just that: Change.

Dictionary.com defines it: “to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.” Notice it says “to make.” If it’s possible to make a change how is it then impossible to know what change might bring? If I can plan change, why am I not able to plan what it might bring? I have a simple answer, a simple answer for me anyway; emotions are not planned, they just happen. 

I’m not afraid of the physical act of change, I’m afraid of losing myself within it. I’m afraid I won’t be able to find my way around familiar things that change will take from me. The coming change brings with it an impending loneliness that cannot be made whole again. I would never attempt to fill that void, it’s one of many, meant to keep me from knowing where I might end up. Yes, change is scary and when it makes you feel alone you wish it didn’t have to happen. But it must because time stops for nothing.

guitar