Categories
Marriage

Top 10 reasons husbands piss off their wives

No, I didn’t see such a list on Letterman’s talk show. But maybe they should come up with one too. Anyway, here’s my top 10 list of reasons husbands piss off their wives.

10. “Yes, your butt looks big in that dress.”

9. When asked to help with laundry you stuff all the clothes in the washer without separating colors.

8. You leave the commode lid up.

7. You “word belch” after eating a particularly satisfying meal.

6. You tell your wife that you saw one of her best friends and when your wife asks you what she was wearing, who was she with, what time was it, where did you see her, did she have any make-up on, was her hair up or down, etc., etc., you don’t remember.

5. You won’t let your wife use your special garden shovel that is so sharp it will slice through rock hard clay dirt like it’s butter.

4. Your wife notices you looking at a very attractive younger woman and you pretend it was an odd sign or poster or window display or some other random object in that same general direction.

2. When told to “just stop and ask someone” you say you know exactly where you’re going and proceed to drive around in circles for an hour before stopping to ask someone.

And the Number 1 reason husbands piss off their wives….

1. We can’t get pregnant!

 

Categories
emotion human Male/Female brain function

“Tell me baby, tell me why you get mad at me. You know I’m just a natural man and I can’t help the things I see.” (One Shot Johnny)

There are many beautiful things in this world, too many to mention here, so I’ll just narrow it down to one for the purpose of this blog post: Beautiful women.

Now before all you feminists out there get all huffy with me, please take note of this disclaimer: I do hereby declare that my definition of a beautiful woman is completely subjective, and I fully understand that what I might consider as being beautiful, the next man (or woman) might think of as horribly ugly.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let me make it perfectly clear to my beautiful wife that what I am about to write is for entertainment purposes only. Writers need to write, so…here goes.

Obsessed

Is it an obsession or are we men just hard wired to notice a beautiful female? What makes it an obsession? In “Sex At Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality” Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá write: “No animal spends more of its allotted time on Earth fussing over sex than Homo sapiens.” I suppose “fussing over” something isn’t really an obsession, but it might be possible to fuss over something so vigorously that it becomes one. But I want to focus on what I call a controlled obsession, which is how I define my obsession with beautiful women. Before I get too far into the sex thing, y’all should know that we evolved (or were given the gift by God) to be attracted by beauty. And it goes without saying that if you’re attracted to a beautiful woman (my wife for instance), you’ll more than likely want to have sex with her (not my wife, your’s!). Whether or not she wants to have sex with you is another matter. Hopefully, if she thinks you’re beautiful, she will.

The Christian moral emphasizes and relates the beauty of attraction for the purpose of procreation. Period. The act of sex for pleasure only is considered taboo in most fundamentalists beliefs. My generation stipulates a bond between a man and a woman, cemented in love, acknowledged socially by marriage. Then and only then is it understood that mutual attraction (partly because of beauty) will lead to sex. Pleasurable? Yes. But taken in context for the end goal of producing offspring. Beautiful isn’t it?

Our moral and religious precepts make it kind of precarious when relating beauty with sex. Figuring out a workable solution in my case has led to a long marriage, 22 years and counting. And it’s quite beautiful.

However, noticing other beautiful females besides the one I’m married to will continue. It’s only natural.

Beauty
Beautiful
Beautiful pair
Beautiful pair